My independence day was September 21, 2004. That is the day my divorce was final. The preceding eighteen months was challenging to say the least. But, as it turned out, my divorce was the springboard for huge positive changes in my life. It can be for you too.
It’s not anything anyone plans on, but it happens. It is one of the most difficult events that may ever happen in your life. The emotional upheaval is almost too much to bear. But, believe it or not, it can lead to a tremendous period of personal growth and positive changes in your life.
It all depends on your response. Will you continue to harbor anger and resentment and be miserable or will you grab hold of your new freedom and begin to create a life of fun, peace and harmony?
The Emotional Roller Coaster
Let’s be honest. Being on an emotional roller coaster sucks! I really struggled with it. You’re down one moment, then there is a glimmer of hope…maybe we can save the marriage, and you are up. Over and over, day in day out up and down. It was exhausting. I wanted off!
What I now know is that I was not honoring myself or my value during this period of time. I was letting myself be manipulated because I didn’t want a divorce. I was locked in the prostitute archetype where I would sell myself out time and time again trying to save the marriage.
Then I was blessed with the gift of clarity in late April of 2004. During a chat with my ex, he said…”We can try, but I don’t know if I can trust myself.” In that moment the light bulb went on. I was fighting for something that did not even exist…and I was the only one fighting for it.
I was at the divorce center the next day.
When enduring divorce trauma our emotions are raw. It’s hard to think, to sleep and sometimes to function. A great piece of advice I got was to feel what I was feeling. As it turns out this was excellent advice as I now know that if we don’t feel what we are feeling, our emotions get stuck in our bodies. In our energy system to be precise, where they can make us tired (it takes our energy to keep our hurt, anger, pain alive in our body), create negative or limiting beliefs about ourselves and cause physical illness.
In the midst of divorce trauma, we don’t want to accept what is. We want things to be like they are “supposed” to be according to the story we created about our life and marriage. By resisting what is, we cause ourselves to suffer. We beat ourselves up with feelings of guilt, remorse, failure, anger, hatred, resentment, blaming, hopelessness, loneliness an unwillingness to forgive and more.
We fear being alone, old beliefs crop up…I’m not lovable, I’m not worthy of a good partner, I’ll never find anyone to love again, I knew I would wind up alone, I’m not good, pretty, interesting, thin…enough. We create a never ending loop of toxic talk in our heads and can’t ever seem to stop it.
Think about it. Would you say the mean things you say to yourself in your head to a child or adult you love…so why beat ourselves up? Stop it now! You don’t deserve it. Tell yourself to get off your own back!
The Freedom on the Other Side of Divorce
The great news is that you can survive and even thrive after divorce, but it takes work.
By addressing and releasing the toxic emotions that remain after a traumatic life event like divorce, we can reboot our lives and create what we want. During and after divorce we must acknowledge the myriad of emotions and let them go, just to keep our head from exploding. Some days it feels impossible, but we must let them pass through our body so we can get through the day.
But how? We are in so much pain and don’t know how to get out of it.
Energy Therapy to Overcome Divorce Trauma
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT/tapping) is an excellent wellness tool to use for emotional and physical healing.
EFT combines Eastern Acupressure Therapy with Western Talk Therapy. It is a way to gently guide you through the critical process of letting go of the past, so you can be free to create and live the life you want.
More specifically, EFT works with the energy system in the body to send calming signals to the brain while voicing distressing emotions. This provides an energetic pathway for the charge, or the upsetting part of the emotion, to be released. You are telling your brain that even though you’re feeling distress, you are still safe.
You will be able to release the blame, guilt, feelings of failure and the grudges that create toxic energy in your body. You will heal from the grief of the loss of what you thought your life would be. You will heal your broken heart, get off the emotional roller coaster and find your balance.
When you are ready, you can work on forgiveness. Forgiving yourself and forgiving your former spouse will change your life. It is the only way to truly healing and to freedom.
Now it’s time to recover. Time to start dreaming about and creating the life you want. A more peaceful life where you are in control of your emotions, you trust your intuition and you are content and are blessed with the peace that passes all understanding.
You no longer fear the future, but are excited at all of the possibilities available to you. You have the courage to get yourself back out there and find someone to share the gift of your time with.
You will know your value. And this changes everything.
All of this is possible for you. It happened for me, so why not you? You are worthy of having the peace and happiness you desire.
Renee Vala is a Health Coach with a BS degree in nutrition, decades of coaching experience and the incredible energy therapy tool of Emotional Freedom Technique in her pocket to help you survive and thrive after divorce.
Call me to get started on your new, free, balanced, peaceful, happy life.
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