One of my favorite humans, Ellen DeGeneres, signs off her show each day with “be kind to one another.” What a wonderful world it would be if we all participated in this all the time.
Many of us find it is easier to be kind to others, but not really to ourselves.
Why is this?
Our harshest critic
We are very hard on ourselves. We judge ourselves harshly. We compare ourselves to others and become discontented.
We are taught from a young age what is good and bad behavior, what is right and wrong and that we should be a certain way to be accepted. We want to do the right thing and please others, but we wind up losing ourselves in the process. We look for our value outside of ourselves, when it lies within. We believe what society says about how we should be.
We believe what others tell us.
We sometimes give more value to what society and people other than ourselves say about how we should be and live in the world. Until we take our power back…
From frustration to freedom
Anyone ever get so frustrated with you that they screamed…get off my back!!! right in your face as loud as they could.
I did this to myself once and it was great!
I was in the shower when I became aware of the negative things about me in my head. I shouted out loud….get off your own back! Here I was, finally free of the verbal abuse of my ex-husband and I was doing it to myself. I would love to say it didn’t happen again.
But since I had read “A New Earth” and was practicing presence and awareness, I began paying attention to the chatter in my head. I began becoming aware more quickly of the negative self-talk polluting my head and my body and was able to stop it. It took a while. I have no idea when it finally stopped, but I can’t recall the last time I spoke negatively about myself in my head or out loud.
I just don’t do it. And you shouldn’t either. It is not kind.
How many of you are saying I wish I could do that, or I could never do that. Some may think…well I’m not harming anyone…just me. Just me. Like you don’t matter.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Are we so disgusted by ourselves that we want to beat someone else to the punch, so we put ourselves down before they do it? Do we have such low opinions of ourselves because we are so bought into to what society and others think of us? Please know, dear humans, that what others think of you is absolutely none of your business. The only opinion about you that counts is yours.
Well, what if you don’t like yourself.
This is where the work comes in. It is difficult to be kind to others when we are not kind to ourselves. It is difficult to live our purpose with disdain for ourselves.
We need to heal ourselves and find the love for ourselves that was gifted to us when we became human. Without love for ourselves, we cannot meet our potential. Happiness will not be a reality for us.
Please know that it is possible and you are well worth it.
From awareness to practice
As with anything else it takes awareness and practice.
When you practice presence you will be aware of the current moment. Awareness of the noise in your head is a great place to start. It’s one thing to be aware of the mean voice in your head but how do you stop it. Quite simply.
Think of something, someone, somewhere that always makes you smile and feel good. It could be the bliss you feel when you are out running, or when you are on the beach, or a loved one comes to mind…you decide. Then when you become aware of the negativity in your head, you stop and replace it with your happy thought.
Try it. It works.
Your brain can only think of one thing at a time, so why not make it something that brings you joy in place of what may bring you heartache.
If you prefer a much faster method, I highly recommend Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to really quiet the noise in your head. Most if not all of the noise is based on fear and how you protect yourself from your fears being revealed. When you release the fear, that critic in your head no longer has anything to hide from anyone and you can easily dismiss it.
Give yourself a magnificent gift…kindness.
Something I suggest that seems to really help people get this is…do not say anything to yourself that you would not say to the most dear person in your life. It could be your granddaughter, like it is with me, it could be your grandparent, your spouse, your puppy… anyone to whom you would never even think about saying the cruel things you say to yourself. Then when you find yourself berating or putting yourself down in your head, stop.
Say to yourself…would I say this to my beautiful granddaughter. The answer will always be no. Give yourself the gift of kindness. You are worth it. You really are.
Experience personal freedom for yourself
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